Dear Penelope

Dear Penelope,
I like this girl at school, but don't know how to ask her out. Should I fake confidence? Should I bake her a cake? Should I write her a sonnet?
Please help,
Lost in hesitation

Dear Lost,
Confidence is for tacky jocks and mindless hoodlems. A cake might be a good idea, especially if decorated with well-rendered Star Wars scenes. Still, your best bet may be to walk up to her, shuffle your feet, sneeze, and then take off running, careful to first let your pocket protector fall at her feet. She will be impressed with your keen sense of nerdhood and returning your pocket protector will give her the perfect opener to confess her fascination with you.
Good luck, and may the force be with you,
Penny

Dear Penelope,
My mother has had a rough time lately. She's had several heart attacks and can't seem to get healthy. She never gets to leave the house. I want to give her some gift but don't know what to get. Should I buy flowers? Candy? Aromatherapy candles?
Thanks,
devoted son

Dear Devoted,
Don't insult your mother with a generic display of affection. She deserves something truly special. Have you considered making a bug collection with various creatures pinned to a board and labeled, plus some live specimens, like perhaps spiders in a jar? This will help bring a bit of the outdoors to her as well as possibly inspire a new hobby in entomology that could last her a lifetime. Best wishes to you and your mother,
Penny

Do you have questions? Need advice? Ask Penelope. I'm here to help. :)